Imam Sajjad (a) says in Ziyarat of Aminullah, “O Allah!… Make me love your chosen near ones, and make me beloved in the earth and in the heavens!” Any place where a maʿsūm requests something of God, then without a doubt that request is necessary for us in our path towards perfection, for a maʿsūm would never request something unnecessary. Therefore, we are all in need of both loving and being loved.
A healthy family is one in which everyone has love for each other; the mother and father for their children (Imam Sadiq (a): God has mercy towards his servant who loves his child dearly), the children for their parents (The Prophet (s): A loving look towards one’s parents is an act of worship), the mother and father for another (Imam Sadiq (a): I do not imagine that the faith of a person is increased except that his love for his wife also increases), and the children for one another (Prophet (s): The love of a believer towards another believer in the way of God is from among the greatest branches of faith).
Love, like hunger, is a desire that must be fulfilled by any means necessary. If a hungry child is not given healthy and nourishing food, the child will automatically be attracted to any food that can be found, oblivious to whether it is harmful or not. Similarly if a parent does not give a child the necessary love the child needs, that child will automatically leans towards something or someone who is willing to fill that void. On the other hand a child whose need for love is sufficiently fulfilled at home is saved from many problems.
Responding to the love a child needs is so important that it is considered one of the greatest forms of worship. Imam Sadiq (a) says: Prophet Musa (a) asked of Allah, “O my Lord! Which action do You consider to be the best of actions?” Allah said, “Loving children, for their nature is that of tawhid (seeking the One God).”
Here are some ways parents can demonstrate love towards their children:
a) Maintain a happy and pleasant demeanor with them and greet them with joy. The simple way you look at your child can convey a world of different meanings: your presence doesn’t make a difference to me, I’m disturbed by your presence, or seeing you makes me so happy and helps me forget my hard day.
b) Use kind and loving words along with a gentle and loving tone of voice. For children, the words that we use and the tone in which they are said is an indication of the love we have for them. The most normal of words can find its way into the heart when spoken in a loving tone, whereas kind words uttered in a harsh tone can cause bitterness.
c) Call them with loving names. Every time we call our children during a day is an opportunity to use a loving name or epithet and strengthen our bond with them.
d) Touch them lovingly. According to hadith, every morning the Prophet of Mercy (s) would lovingly stroke the heads of his children and grandchildren.
e) Be humble with them. Imam Ali (a): The fruit of humility is love. Let us not view ourselves as better than our children, but see them as better than us.
f) Be truthful with them. Imam Ali (a): A truthful person attains three things by telling the truth: reliability, love and reverence.
g) Give them gifts. It is not the amount or type of gift we give, but the message it conveys to our children, as long as other demonstrations of love are also present.