This series is based on our experience of running a school for over fifteen years and working with youths in the community for over two decades.
Relationship between the parents
We have observed the relationship between parents to be one of the most critical factor in the spiritual, academic and behavioral excellence of children. Some of the common scenarios and their consequences we have noticed are:
1. Constant arguments and fights between parents result in children looking for escape which they often find by hanging out with the wrong crowd in university years.
2. The father mistreating the mother has many negative consequences including sons having no respect for women and daughters believing that Islam is an unjust patriarchal religion and their eventual rebellion against religion and everything else that the father may hold dear.
3. Parents undermining each other and children losing respect for both and suffering from significant trauma. The undermining is equally dangerous even when done in private, for example, the father implementing media controls and the mother facilitating children to get around the controls when the father is not at home.
4. One of the parents, often the father, checked-out completely from their mandatory obligation of implementing the Wilayat of Allah in their household and leaving the responsibility of spiritual and academic excellence of children, along with all household tasks, entirely on the mother.
5. Mother and father maintaining a loving environment in the house enabling children to achieve their full potential without going on the other extreme of ‘my child is never wrong, its always someone else’s fault’ or ‘I cannot stop my children from Haram otherwise it will impact my friendly relationship with them’.
There are circumstances when the situation is not in control of one of the parents as they are being oppressed which results in a separation, divorce or a very difficult marital life. However, in households where the situation is not as dire, it is really important for parents to realize the critical impact of their relationship and interactions on children. The house should be a place of peace, tranquility, love and obedience to Allah in everyway. A child who is blessed with this environment due to the efforts and sacrifices of both parents is much more likely to reach great heights.
May Allah enable us to obey His commands and may our homes be filled with His mercy and blessings InshaAllah.
