Surah al-Anfal 8:28
One of the greatest blessings that Allah can grant a married couple is a child. Children are a source of happiness and comfort, and an answer to the God-created desire to care and nurture others. Great prophets mentioned in the Qur’an pray to be gifted children, and children can be a means of enduring blessings even after death. However, like any blessing, the blessing of children comes with responsibilities. The Qur’an, in a number of verses, warns us to take care of our responsibilities to our children.
For example, in the verse quoted above from Surah al-Anfal, Allah mentions that possessions (maal) and children (awlaad) are a Fitnah. Commentators have understood Fitnah in this verse to mean a test. Other verses of the Qur’an similarly mention possessions and children together. For example, Allah commands Iblis to “share with [whomever he can deceive] in wealth and children” (Surah al-Israa 17:64). Here, “sharing” has been understood to mean taking profit from (Tafsir al-Mizan). For example, suppose that someone acquires wealth through forbidden means, or spends what he has acquired in a forbidden manner. Because that person committed a sin, Iblis has won a victory and taken his share and profit from that wealth. Similarly, if a parent raises a child but doesn’t teach him the manners and ethics of Islam, Iblis will have taken his profit from that child.
In another verse, Allah says that “wealth and children are an adornment of the life of this world” (Surah al-Kahf 18:46). People are naturally attracted to wealth and children, but like worldly life, they can only be enjoyed to a limited extent and for a short time until death or other circumstances force a separation.
Given that wealth and children are often mentioned together in the Qur’an, we can learn some principles about how to fulfill our responsibilities towards our children by understanding our responsibilities towards wealth.
Making decisions based on the pleasure of Allah. The Qur’an gives us a general criterion for making decisions with respect to our family and possessions: “Say, ‘If your fathers and your sons, …the possessions that you have acquired, the business you fear may suffer, and the dwellings you are fond of, are dearer to you than Allah and His Apostle and struggling in His way, then wait until Allah issues His edict…” (At-Tawbah 9:24). This verse makes us question, are our family and possessions more beloved to us or Allah and His Messenger? Parents have to make many decisions throughout the course of raising their children. How do they make those decisions? Do they try to understand the Islamic perspective? Do they compromise Islamic principles in order to try to meet artificial standards set by others? For example, parents may find it difficult to set expectations for their children who have recently become Baligh to wake up for the morning routine of Ibadah on weekends and holidays, especially when they have slept late. However, we know that Salah is prescribed for specific times, and there is no excuse for treating the Fajr prayer lightly, even if it means leaving social gatherings early in order to ensure that the family gets adequate rest.
Raising children is a test. For most people, earning a livelihood requires hard work and effort. Earning a Halal livelihood typically requires even more effort and care, to the point where our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) is quoted to have said, “Worship (Ibadah) is ten parts, nine of which involve seeking Halal [sustenance]” (Bihar al-Anwar, v. 100, p. 18)! In a typical workplace, one has to take extra care and diligence in order to observe Islamic principles and not compromise in order to fit in. The case is similar when raising children, especially in a secular environment. Despite the many joys, raising children creates many challenges and difficulties for parents, such as:
• Remaining calm and having patience and self-restraint (sabr) rather than getting easily annoyed and upset
• Being an example of the behaviour, etiquette, and Akhlaq we would like our children to adopt rather than just telling them
• Regularly taking out time from our busy schedules to play and converse with our children
• Having deep reliance on Allah (Tawakkul) as opposed to becoming overly anxious
• Raising our children to have a pure Islamic identity and being proud of being an Abd of Allah in everything that they do
Be part of your children’s development. The Shari’ah requires us to keep track of our income and expenditure in order to be able to give our required financial dues. We will be asked about what we earned and how it was spent. Similarly, parents should be very aware of how their children are developing, and the challenges they are going through. They can demonstrate care by listening to their children attentively, asking them about various ongoings in their lives, and reminding them (both directly and indirectly) about what really matters in life. Since school occupies a central aspect of a child’s life, it’s important for both parents to show interest in their children’s academic and extracurricular activities in order to encourage them to strive for excellence. Also, parents should take part in the spiritual development of their children, setting firm expectations for performing obligations and staying away from the forbidden, and inviting them to also perform a limited set of Mustahabbat.
May Allah help us to fulfill our obligations and succeed in our tests, and may He keep Iblis and his companions distant from our possessions and children.