What follows is an edited excerpt from Children in the Qur’an and Sunnah by Ayatullah Reyshahri regarding the topic of treating children fairly and justly and not favoring one child over another.
Treating children justly has positive effects in their upbringing, including:
1- The children will, in turn, do good to their parents and observe their rights.
2- They will not be unjust to their own children.
3- Being just between children will prevent them from having envy and taking vengeance on each other.
4- More importantly, the child will be brought up from the very beginning of his life with the spirit of being fair, and the just behaviour of the family will provide a ground for justice in the society.
Injustice and discriminatory treatment of the children not only deprives the parents from their love, but it also endangers the future of the children.
Being fair does not mean equal and similar treatment. It may be the case that observing justice requires that a parent interact more with a particular child than others because of the differences in his /her talents, a sickness, or other issues. This is not considered as injustice, and in these cases the parent must explain the reasons for this treatment.
Here are some traditions from the Ahlul Bayt (a) about the importance of treating children fairly:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him and his family) said,
“Be just between your children when giving them something.”
“Be just between your children when granting things to them in the same manner that you would like them to be just with you in obedience and kindness.”
“Allah the Exalted likes for you to be equal between your children, even when kissing them.”
It is reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him and his family) was once speaking with his companions when a child entered and went to a corner of the mosque to his father. The father patted his son’s head and sat him on his right knee. After a while, his [young] daughter entered and went towards him, and he patted her on her head and made her sit on the ground.
The Prophet said, “Why didn’t you seat her on your other knee?” The man then seated her on his other knee, and the Prophet said, “Now you have done justice.”